These feelings inside
by astridelta
Summary: SasuNaru one-shot, too short for me to actually give a decent summary :) character-death!


Sometimes I want to kill you. Because, honestly, then I'll know you'll be mine forever. Sometimes, I just want to kiss you. I want to hold you forever and never let go. But, I also want to hurt you. Because then you would understand what you have done to me. It's only me who thinks these selfish things. I want to let you go, I want you to move on from me. And stop chasing me through oblivion.

I want to stop running, so I can catch you in my arms. Without the violence...Without the pain. And without the hate that always seems to break us apart. I just wish that even though I want you dead...By no other's hand but mine...I wish I could tell you...What I truly feel inside.

Even though you're standing in front of me now, with those damn eyes that make me want to give up and take your hand, let you drag me back to the one place I never want to be, I just can't seem to make these words form and leave my lips, the ones that claimed yours once before, admittedly by accident...but that still want you all the same.

And there you go again, trying to use words to bring me back to you...I long so badly to listen to you, to believe you. But those emotions aren't enough...Naruto. It will never be enough to make up for what I have had ripped from me. I see the hurt in your eyes as I run towards you, I can see it so clearly it breaks my heart all over again, but I can't let you know that. I can't...I can't tell you how much I love you.

You say something as I try and cut your chest open with my own sword, but I can't hear you. Your words cannot reach me over the howling wind that we have caused in our fight. You're trying too hard, Naruto. You should realize it's pointless to keep coming for me. Why can't you just go and live a normal life? Marry a woman and have children, become the damn Hokage and leave me be. I know I can't hope to destroy Konoha if you do that.

If anything, I'll be happy knowing you've accomplished your dream. That is a feeling I will never feel. Most of my dreams died on the same night my parents died...except for one. At least you've gotten stronger. I can barely recgonize the chakra you wield now, that's good. Maybe you'll realize once you sense mine that I am a lost cause. I'm not the twelve year old boy you knew anymore, Naruto...mostly. The love I felt for you then is still here now. But it's bittersweet, because I know now that I can never have you. _You_ are the dream I can't have.

The blow you land on me...making me skid on my back on this unforgiving ground...I'm shocked. I can barely predict your movements this time. I suppose now that you have befriended the Kyuubi, you have more power than most people could even begin to match. Except for me, of course. We've always been equal...and opposite. Like Night and Day. I'm trying not to flinch now as I feel your ribs cracking under my fist, even though I wish I hadn't done that. I wish I wasn't bleeding and sore and laying my emotions bare in front of you...

Screaming that I hate you...

That I want to kill you myself...

That I will destroy everything you love...

When in reality I want to tell you that I love you so much it hurts.

I guess you've paid me back in kind, though. I can feel my spine twisting and cracking unnaturally as I collide with a massive boulder behind me, your image flickering above me and blocking out the sun. But now you look confused. Where _did_ I go, Naruto? You should keep asking yourself that as I land on your back and crash you into the ground. There's blood flowing down your chin as your golden chakra cloak vanishes, and I swear even the nature around us falls silent as I kneel on your back, my sword...inches from your skin.

I can feel every movement you make as you try to turn and face me. I allow it...only because I want to see your face again. The hurt in your eyes is still there...maybe now I can finally erase that from you. I'm bending down now...finally reclaiming your mouth as mine. I see your eyes widening Naruto, but the surprise you express in them is different from the eagerness you're using, responding to my kiss quickly. I'm glad. At least I can kill you knowing you've loved me in return.

There's a sickening squish of flesh and the crunching of bone as my sword pierces your heart. I can taste the blood that rises from your throat as I kiss you still. And your eyes...my own heart aches as I see the betrayal you feel, such a raw emotion that I'm starting to cry from it. You're coughing against my mouth, but...I refuse to move away. I want to feel your warmth for as long as possible. Forget what I said, to live a normal life. If I can't wake up next to you every morning, if I can't be the last thing you see at night, if I can't be the one to kiss you in front of that altar...no-one can be.

Your breaths are becoming more shallow, Naruto. I thought you could survive this longer. Shit...I love you so much Naruto, and here I am, shoving a sword through your chest...there has to be a special place in hell for me. Just like there is one in heaven for you, Naruto, for caring about me for so long...

...You've stopped moving.

I pull back and now your eyes no longer sparkle, with any sort of emotion. They're just...dull. What's this...am I crying? I can't be. But there certainly isn't any rain to cause these warm streaks to run down my face...

I guess...that I killed you because I am too afraid of losing you.

* * *

So I got the idea for this one-shot by watching the collab "/ SasuNaru \\ Overdose" by BeyondtheLimiters2. If you've seen it, you'll recognize what I wrote in the beginning of the one shot. The video was just so inspiring, damn! ;A; so yeah, if you do go watch that video (which I highly recommend you do btw), the song used in it is "Comatose" by Skillet, since they don't list it in the description or video. Make sure to leave a review ^_^ bai!


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